The best way to pretend you watched the Superbowl


The Superbowl isn’t that big in the UK. Not many people follow American football here and it doesn’t start until 11:30pm meaning that it doesn’t finish until gone 3am, so those people with jobs struggle to stay up and watch it.

Despite this, it is growing in popularity with more and more people lapping up the crunching of armoured men against one another each year. Therefore, the likelihood is that you will know someone who did watch the Superbowl and they will almost definitely want to talk about it, which is where we come in.

Below is a useful run-down of what happened last night so you can pretend you stayed up and watched the whole thing despite actually curling up in bed with a hot water bottle at 10:

The teams

Superbowl teams

The New England Patriots were playing the defending champions the Seattle Seahawks in the 49th Superbowl (or XLIX if you think Roman numerals makes it look more intelligent)

The winner

The Patriots beat the Seahawks 28-24.

Players you should know

Tom Brady – he was the MVP for the Superbowl and is the quarterback for the Patriots. He’s pretty old but still darn good. He broke some records this year for Superbowls but you probably won’t need to know that. He threw 4 touchdowns this year


Russell Wilson – the Seahawks’ quarterback. For extra credit you could talk about how he’s great at throwing AND running

Marshawn Lynch – a beast of a man. The Seahawks’ running back who just keeps going and going and going and is sponsored by Skittles. He also spent 5 minutes answering the media with the phrase “I’m just here so I won’t get fined” during a mandatory media circus

Malcolm Butler – not much to say about him apart from he won the Superbowl for the Patriots (see later)

Phrases you should say (this is the real important stuff)

“The Seahawks were robbed!”

“What a stupid play at the end. Whoever called that will be reliving it until their grave. They just lost the Superbowl because of it.”

“Why did they throw it?! I would understand if it was the fourth down but it was only the second and they had plenty of time left. Just give it to Marshawn and let him run it in.”

Butler superbowl interception

“Great interception from Butler though…”

“That was the biggest comeback in Superbowl history. To come from 14-24 down to win it was great for the Patriots.”

“Flip, Marshawn was an absolute powerhouse. All the Seahawks had to do was give the ball to him and let him bomb it down the field.”

“That catch. That catch. THAT CATCH! To have that composure and vision to grab the ball when it was bouncing around like that was impressive. I was sure the Seahawks would have won it from there.”


“Katy Perry came on standing on a giant metal tiger. That was pretty cool.”

“Lenny Kravitz basically did nothing.”

So I hope that helps you get to know your American football loving friends a bit better and you’ll at least sound semi-knowledgeable. The key thing to remember is that the Seahawks should have won. That’s what most people will talk about.