The best alternative Christmas dates to put in your calendar

Christmas cat sleeping

Christmas cat is so bored of regular ways to celebrate

 

Christmas is very similar every year. There are always nativities, always Santa hats, always creepy animatronic displays – you get a bit numb to it eventually.

When Christmas is new, your all like

excited penguin

 

But then the years go by and soon this is how you look on your way to open your presents.

dog don't care

 

So here are some alternative festivities that might help you capture some of that new-Christmas joy. Before you read them, maybe you should agree now to plug them into your diary and see what happens. All you have to lose is your apathy (and also lots of your precious money and time).

 

This line just exists to give you one last chance to agree now, foolishly, before reading.

 

21st November – World Television Day

The UN came up with this idea, so why not take full advantage? Take time off work and kick start your festive celebrations by not leaving your couch all day. Except for the toilet. Always leave your couch for that. Remember, the UN commanded you to do this.

25th November – Mega planning day

Remember all those things you said you would do before Christmas? Well now you’ve only got a month to do it. So book time with your busy friends, plan events, buy tickets, write lists and make sure you don’t miss out on any fun just because you suck at forward thinking.

2nd December – Pancake Day

Because one of these a year just isn’t enough.

6th December – Crispsmas

It’s just like Christmas, only you exchange crisp-based presents and generally eat lots of crisps… Ok it’s not much like Christmas, but the important thing is that it sounds similar. And remember, you have already agreed to this, right?

Sometime before the 15th – Go see a Brass Band

Just do it.

15th December – Destroy all shopping, in a good way.

Have you still got presents to buy? Make sure that after this day, you have none left. You will destroy Christmas shopping by being really good at it. Just make sure your elbows are prepared for the huge amount of barging and jabbing they will have to do to navigate you through the crowds.

20th December – Half hearted work day

It’s only 5 days until Christmas… are you really still working hard? Stop it! Stop it right now. This is the day when you put on the brakes and ease in to those wonderful Christmas holidays. This is the day when you use subtle body language to let people know that really your mind is already out-of-office, even if you’re still there in a physical sense.

23rd December – Token exercise day

Those 9,000 calories-per-day you’re about to consume are going to taste a whole lot better if you can do some form of exercise now. Go for minimal effort but maximum impressive-sounding-ness. Maybe try rock climbing for ages and don’t tell people you spent most of the time standing and looking at the wall.

24th December – Stop doing what I tell you to do

I’m not actually a Christmas guru so you’re on your own now. You are free to enjoy Christmas however you like.

 

Looking back over that list, the only thing I really want to happen is Crispsmas… I love that day.

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