Steve’s best girlfriend

Who is this mystery gal?

Who’s this mystery gal?

In the early days of this blog, we used to include our names in the titles. So if I liked a certain artichoke and wanted to blog about it, I would title the post ‘Jon’s best artichoke’.

But time passed, things changed and to be honest I don’t really know enough about artichokes to pick a favourite. Now our post titles are more anonymous, so that the focus is on the best thing, not the author.

But today the author is important because I want to talk about Steve’s best ever girlfriend, but I also want to make it clear that this is in my (Jon’s) opinion. Though I’m pretty sure Steve would also agree.

You see Steve’s best girlfriend is a truly incredible woman – a fine specimen. She’s the wind to Steve’s wind-surf, she’s the sheep-skin rug to his cold slate floor, she’s the protective casing to all of Steve’s pokemon cards.

Her name?

Big Fat Sue.

Unfortunately, she is entirely fictional. But that doesn’t mean she is unimportant.

Because back in the days when me and Steve were leaders on a kids summer camp, Big Fat Sue was Steve’s significant other. She was created for one simple reason – because we thought it was funny.

One long coach trip, we convinced several of the campers that Big Fat Sue was legit. I can’t remember much of her back story but it was quite elaborate. I feel like she might have been a lifeguard but my memory fades.

What is for sure is that things were serious – Steve was thinking of proposing.

And from that trip on, Big Fat Sue became more than just a fake girlfriend. She was a symbol – just like batman.

I genuinely think that Steve’s future wife will one day struggle with the Big Fat shadow of Sue, looming over their relationship. She can be very possessive, that Sue.

And that’s really the story of Big Fat Sue, Steve’s best ever girlfriend.

Sorry to all of Steve’s other exes… you just didn’t make the cut.


Before I go though, I guess it’s probably worth pointing out that Big Fat Sue even made it into a card game that me and Steve made (shoutout to LJ who also helped)

Here she is…


Such beauty

Such beauty