The best reason to believe A) in magic OR B) I’m an idiot

You are just about to unknow everything you already know

You are just about to unknow everything you currently know

Conspiracy theories are always high risk. Either what you believe is true, or actually you’re a bit of an idiot. And in this case, by idiot I mean someone who is very wrong and very stubborn about it.

Because you have to be pretty strong-willed to go against almost everybody and say that we never reached the moon, global warming is just a tax-raising scheme or that Obama is a white girl from Sussex in disguise.

But recently I’ve developed a conspiracy theory of my own. And the pressure is on because either I’m amazing and right about everything or I’m an idiot.

The theory is short, simple and almost certainly true.

Somebody is using magic to slightly alter my clothes.

That’s right – it might sound crazy at first but hear me out. Recently my clothes have been changing ever so slightly and the only explanation is magic. I’ve got two examples of this and, as we all know: once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.

Example 1.

conspiracy example 1

As you can see, some sort of dark magic has been used to add a new type of material to the edge of my coat. I sat down for dinner at a normal (or so I thought) Italian restaurant and had a pizza. My coat was on the back of the chair the whole time but when I got up to leave a felt a softer sensation on my cheek.

I’d never seen this fuzzy material before despite having the coat for almost a year now. I thought for a second I’d picked up someone else’s coat but this one still had my wallet in.

The only explanation: magic.

Example 2.

I also have a pair of shorts with a stain on them from some sort of mud or engine oil. Recently the stain switched sides while the shorts were in my wardrobe.


Why did I add a seam to the bottom of only the right-hand pair of shorts?

This is an example of why we don’t draw more often on the blog.


How could this stain mysteriously transfer from one side to the other? The only explanation is magic.

My wife though – she seems to think I’m a unique combination of not very observant and absolutely sure of myself.

But maybe she’s in on the conspiracy.

What is for sure is that only you can decide what you believe to be right. The sheeple among you may stay sheltered in your mind-paddocks of safety, but for those brave enough to find it…

The truth is out there.