The 3 best reasons to not look at anyone ever
As a married person, I’m a little out of touch with the dating world. I like it that way. But here at Best Things we offer a service – we find you best things from all the corners of this spherical world.
So that means sometimes I have to engage with what Buzzfeed would call ‘Single people problems‘ (no doubt there would be 17 of them and only single people would understand them). And I haven’t done that sort of post in a while, so I decided to go digging.
This research journey took me to a very dark place called ‘Yahoo Answers‘ where confused people, trolls and idiots go to ask their questions. It’s sort of a funny-sad place that makes you worry about the world but also laugh a little.
In the relationship section, questions range from the quite sensible
‘How do I know my partner won’t cheat on me again?‘
to the quite ridiculous
‘How can I ask my GF for kiss and boobs enjoyment?’
That last one is a genuine but really quite creepy question that someone asked the internet – and it’s the sort of question that I like to run very far away from.
But while I was searching these questions, looking for some best things, I actually discovered a useful rule that everyone should follow in life. And that rule is simple:
Never look at anyone, ever.
Why? Because there are people out there who will misinterpret almost anything you do. And I’ve found three of the best. Each person adds another reason to avoid eye contact entirely, for your whole life.
Person 1. You either like me or you think I’m weird… these are the only two options.
So he does look at you, but usually you are already looking at him? And he hasn’t approached you? …and your father is always there as well?
Well, that is something.
Person 2. When uncontrollable laughter goes wrong…
Why would anyone look at a girl who is laughing uncontrollably? Ahh yes, I remember… because they either think she’s weird or they are actually in love with her.
The fact that his face was like ‘What just happened?!‘ really reinforces that hypothesis.
Person 3. Twisty leg problems
What is going on here? There is smiling, twisted legs, walking closer, people covering their mouths, and then eyes going small in the sunlight. Actually, that last one seems very understandable.
It’s easy to laugh at people like this but I think we all over-analyse stuff sometimes… maybe we just don’t do it online.
And certainly it takes a good few years of talking to people, making mistakes and doing weird things before we can actually start to act like sane people in social situations.
So I’m convinced that we’ll never be able to stop people reading into stuff so much. It’s just natural.
And that’s why I heartily recommend never looking at anyone ever – and make sure you keep control of those twisty legs. It’s the only way to avoid problems.
Happy double post Friday everybody!