The best thing about waking up early


“Morning people” offer little comfort when you feel like your brain is stabbing you

Waking up can be terrible. It’s the simple realisation that you have to do a whole day’s worth of life before you’re allowed any more sleep. By rights we should be the most refreshed at 7am before work has started, but reality is cruel and grumpy-looking.

Late nights, fire alarms, extreme temperatures, hilarious sleep-talking spouses – all these things make us look more like owls than little baby ducks in the morning.

Some people like to hide behind snoozes – grasping those last few minutes of sleep like a crazed duvet-addict. But that’s not my style. I work out the latest possible time that I can get up – and then BAM I’m up. No snoozing for me.

I jump out of bed so fast sometimes that my body rejects the idea of standing up and my balance makes me fall back on the bed or, if I’m unlucky, into the wall.

It’s flawed but it’s efficient.

But that’s not really what I want to talk about here. I want to focus on those times you get up earlier than normal. Like maybe you’ve got a long drive to make on a Saturday. Or maybe it’s summer holiday time and for some reason your flight leaves at 5am.

Why do all the flights leave at 5am?

These occasions are truly horrible. I deal with them using a combination of ape-like noises and false positivity. Sometimes I even do a falsely positive dance. An ironic jig of sorts.

But there is one good thing about these times. And I’ll say it simply…

You get to drink coke in the mornings.



This is how morning coke makes me feel…

That photo was taken at lunchtime, I think, but the point still stands… coke is excellent and drinking it in the morning is only acceptable in extreme circumstances… Therefore extreme circumstances are also sort of excellent.

If you don’t like coke, substitute it with something sugary that you do like – maybe some sort of cake? Breakfast cake is surely a winner in times of dire need.

So next time you have to wake up early, grab yourself a coke or something else (never a pepsi) that fills you with joy and calories. Make the most of these precious mornings because the rest of the time you eat stuff made from bran.

And nobody likes bran… it’s the worst of all the grains.