The 4 best things to do with all those spare cows you own


Just your average back garden in the UK

You know how it is. You got a little crazy last weekend and came home with a few too many cows. Maybe you won a bet with one of your buddies and they paid you in living beef. Or maybe you drunkenly tried to buy a pony but ended up with a cow in a wig…

Ok, if I’m honest, I guess I can admit that most of us don’t actually have any spare cows lying around. But it sure is interesting to see all the alternative uses for cows that are out there right now.

Thanks to google news I’ve found four things we can do if we ever have any surplus bovines. And I’ve saved the best until last.

Click on the pictures to go to the original articles…

1. Cow Diversion

The simplest use of the four – set your cow loose on an appropriate street and keep everybody busy for a while.



This is really a one time only use. So make sure you’ve got a good reason – like saving the day or escaping an awkward conversation. You won’t get your cow back after this move.

2. Cow bridesmaid

Brides, are you sick of all your female friends? Well don’t worry – just take a cow down the aisle with you.



And after that maybe you could use your cow in a special matchmaking service – to bring people together like the two lovers above. Cow couples, you could call it…

3. Cow dog

If you can’t afford a proper dog – just convert one of your cows…



I think the basic theory is work on your cow when it’s young, surround it by canine role models and after a couple of years investment, you’ll have your very own cow-dog.


This last one is my favourite…


4. Cow weapon

Don’t you just hate mosquitoes? Well turn that hatred into killing. Spray your cow with human-scent and get rid of those pesky insects for good.

This news story is fully amazing…



What an elaborate plan! I love it. We inject the cows with poison and then make the mosquitoes eat them by covering them with human-scented perfume.

It’s so crazy it has to work…