The best supermarket takeover

There comes a time in every store’s life when they try and push the boundaries of fashion. You never know when it’s going to strike but it’ll definitely come.

It doesn’t have to be with clothing either, it can be with food, with furniture or with foliage, whatever the store stocks. I’m not sure why some stores try to push these boundaries but they get it in their head that they must try and that they have a good idea.

This must have been what happened with ASDA when they decided an army of Gnomes was needed:

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It’s such a huge display.

When have Gnomes been popular?! Nobody likes a Gnome. There may have been a brief window when Gnomeo and Juliet came out where kids would beg their parents for a Gnome in the hopes that it would come alive, but surely no-one wants them.

Are ASDA trying to start a new Gnome trend?

There’s a whole webpage dedicated to understanding this Blorgle of Gnomes (collective noun for Gnomes) which ASDA stocks. Apparently the Gnomes are called: Gnorman, Gnorma, Gnoah and Gnora.

It really does feel like the brainchild of one person going, “you know what I need more of in my life…Gnomes”. It just so happened that this one person was quite high up in ASDA. The next morning they must have gone to work with a smile on their face because they knew what the next big thing was.

But everyone knows that you don’t want faceless, nameless products – we name everything we can get our hands on,  cars, bikes, guitars, helicopters (my helicopter’s called Harold) and so on – so they had to name the Gnomes, which is clearly where the fun began.

Gnoah is probably my favourite, not sure how I feel about Gnora, but Gnorman and Gnorma are perfect names for Gnomes.

Thankfully it does look like they’ve come in peace, but imagine if they hadn’t. Imagine if they wanted to fight. Imagine the headlines:

“Crazed Gnome army attacks supermarket chain.”

“Gnotorius Gnomes block all exits.”

“And you thought your garden was safe…”

It’s pretty terrifying when you think about it.

Anyway, this is ridiculous from ASDA because they’re Gnomes and they cost £25 each, which seems extortionate for something Gno-one wants. I do hope they find a home though, otherwise they may rise up from their pain and attack, that wouldn’t be fun for anyone…

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