The best decoration for your house

I’m going to cut to the chase with this one, it’s maps.

Maps are great. We use them all the time.

There are maps of countries, maps of the world, maps of trainlines and maps of the human body.

This is the human anatomy 101 - learn it well as I will be testing you

This is human anatomy 101 – learn it well as I will be testing you

Maps, maps, maps.

I never thought I would be so passionate about maps but all I ever want to do when I go to the National Geographic shop is look at the many many maps they have on display.

THIS is what I call a map!

They have big maps and small maps, olde maps and new maps, weird maps (Gall-Peters projection I’m looking at you) and normal maps. There’s a real smorgasbord of maps to choose from.

What even is that?! No-one even likes you?! Why are you challenging my beliefs?!

But why do they make such good decorations?

Well, have you ever been to someone’s house and been drawn to the map on the wall, spun their globe or perused their atlas? Of course you have because you’re only human.

If you’re well travelled you can talk about all the places you’ve been to and if you’re ill-travelled then you can talk about all the places you want to go to.

You can even get scratch maps now so you can ‘tick off’ the countries you’ve visited, suddenly turning the first world luxury of international tourism into a giant game. They’re great.

They used a coin so they wouldn’t get scratch dust stuck under their fingernails. They know what they’re doing

Arguing over the location of American Somoa and whether or not it’s actually closer to America or Australia? Argue no more, just look on your map for a tiny, tiny dot in the Pacific and your argument will be pacified.

Not to mention that maps look classy. If you have a map up or a globe in your living room, people definitely think better of you. They go: “woah, this person is fancy. They’ve got non-fiction stuff on their walls but it’s so recognisable and in a digestible format. Amazing.”

Globe

This one comes with added book. Real classy. It’s also a bar for when you really want to knock your guests’ socks off.

Even tube maps can look classy. My old housemate left an ancient looking map of the London underground in a frame in the living room when he left. I think it looks good and I can find out if Camden Town was a stop on the Northern line 50 years ago. Turns out it was! Who knew?!

Finally, and if I hadn’t convinced you already, you can play the fun game of “I’m going to die iiiiiiiiiinnnnnn… [then you spin the globe] …American Samoa [because that was where your finger landed when the globe came to an end]”

If you wish to be less morbid and you’re single then you can play “I’m to get married iiiiiiinnnnnnn…”. Inevitably it will be in the Atlantic Ocean. Best start boarding some cargo ships now, your future spouse will be on one of them.

MS "E.R. Shanghai"

I can almost hear my future bride calling my name…

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