The best thing about being a teacher

WARNING – GUEST BLOG APPROACHING
Our wise and talented guest blogger, Sophie, shares some of the delights of her day job. Turns out teaching can be pretty entertaining.

 

This is an owl that is a teacher

An owl teacher… the most relevant picture I could find…

 

So as my alarm went off nice and early this morning after two weeks of lovely holiday, I thought to myself ‘Why do I have to go to work?’ and felt very sorry for myself. But as I actually started to wake up properly, I thought of all the reasons I love my job (of which there are actually many) but one of my favourite parts is the comments that come from my pupils.

atheist sweets

The atheist confectionery company is in business.

Ever since I started working in schools in 2011, I have kept a log of the funny comments my pupils come up with and will make my millions when I am retired. Just to note: I keep them anonymous and don’t keep them to laugh at the pupils; I just love the honesty that comes from them and the willingness to share what’s in their mind. Sometimes the comments come from pure amazement, bewilderment or just a random observation and I’m not ashamed to say that there have been times that I have cried with laughter in my class.

So here are my ten favourite pupil comments (in no particular order):

1. The Year 11 boy that hasn’t quite done enough Science revision yet.

Teacher: ‘What’s ante natal care?’

Pupil: ‘Who’s she?’

2. The Year 7 boy who is in full support of my Food teaching abilities or just fully supports gender equality.

‘Miss, you’re like Jamie Oliver, but better……and a woman.’

3. The quote from the Year 9 girl that you just don’t want to know about.

‘The other day I sneezed and tissue came out of my eye.’

4. The Year 8 boy that doesn’t approve of the school photographers.

*Looks at photo of himself on register* ‘Seriously, how black am I? Look at me Miss!’

5. The Year 7 boy that wasn’t quite paying attention.

Me: ‘Right, the next word is…..listen!’

Pupil: ‘Lizard?!’

6. The Year 7 boy that hasn’t done his first aid training.

*After a pupil faints* ‘Miss, why did she decide to lie down on the floor?’

7. The Year 11 boy that doesn’t approve of school laptops (or his gran).

‘Oh my goodness, this laptop is going slower than my nan at the moment.’

8. The Year 8 boy that is the master of distraction.

Pupil: ‘Miss, have you ever been to the Caribbean?’

Me: ‘No, why?’

Pupil: ‘The sea is full of very nice fishes.’

Me: ‘Good, but what does that have to do with the cake you’re making?’

9. The Year 9 girl that thinks I support pupil violence.

Me: ‘Right, go see A and he’ll sort you out.’

Pupil: ‘Sort me out? I’ll sort him out!!’

Me: ‘No, I mean he’ll help you.’

Pupil: ‘Oh, well that’s ok then.’

10. The Year 9 boy that fully supports my creative endeavours.

‘That scarf is f***ing epic. Ooh sorry, I mean “it’s really good”.’ (with air quotes)

 

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