The best way to solve celebrity problems


Got printer issues, Emma? You need our celebrity problem solving system…

Lots of people spend lots of time solving real life problems – sometimes we call that charity and sometimes we call it politics.

But what about celebrity problems? Who deals with them?

What if you’re rich and famous but you’re not happy? What if your yacht catalogue has sold out of your favourite yacht?

Well don’t worry, incredibly wealthy people, Steve and Jon’s Best Things has solutions for you…

Actually it’s just one solution but it works in almost all scenarios. I’m going to call it…

The best things celebrity buddy system

And I’ll demonstrate it’s potency using a case study looking, as we often do, at Kanye West

So Kanye is good at music and rapping and producing things. He worked hard and was pretty talented and Jay Z helped him a bit as well. All of these things mean that now he’s a bit of a mega star. That means he can do what he wants, right?


In his own words, Kanye has…

reached the point in my life where my Truman boat has hit the painting… I’ve reached the glass ceiling

Essentially Kanye wants to do more than music… he wants to make clothes and build buildings. He’s got unfulfilled ambitions.

No one is giving him a break he’s looking for… he thinks he needs some fashion/architecture version of Jay-Z to come along and give him a little backing.

But what he actually needs is a Best Things Buddy.

And I’m going to assign him to this guy…


Because before he became governor of California, he was an actor, and before he became an actor he was a body builder. Now he’s even risen to the heights of being an old-guy actor.

Arnie says no to the Truman show wall. He didn’t even notice the glass ceiling that he smashed through on his way to the top.

Kanye, meet Arnold, he will take it from here.

The beauty of the system is that after Kanye has been mentored, we can have him on my books as a future buddy. It’s a prerequisite of the Arnie deal…

We’ll assign him to Bieber for the problem outlined in the picture below…


Turns out they both have history of wearing skirts (or kilts that look exactly like skirts). And I think Kanye is in a good position to advise on what the next move would be from here.

kanye west kilt skirt

The long t-shirt made it look more skirty than kilty…


Soon we’ll have a network of celebrity buddies that will solve all the celebrity problems.

Still not sure who we can get to help Emma Watson with her printer paper issues… that’s probably too normal a problem for the buddy system to deal with.