The best thing to say in your sleep

sleep talking best things

Sleep talking is terrifying and wonderful in equal measure. People spout such amazing gibberish that there’s always the potential to delight or offend anyone who overhears.

Recently radio 1 have got people to record their sleep talking using a special app. The results have been quite marvelous and make for very entertaining radio.

Here’s two I heard this morning.

The first is a simple and intriguing statement…

 It seem like you’ll be getting married in a wibbly-wobbly house then!

The second is a conversation of sorts…

Sleeping man: Farts very loudly

Woman: Gary, go and open the window. GARY, go and open the window.

Sleeping man: Responds with a smaller fart.

Hilarious! Love that this couple have a routine for when the guy farts in his sleep – he has to open the window as punishment.

Another great one was this woman…

Well, you should blame yourself and stop blaming the chips… chips, chips, chips.

I mean, what type of dream are you having when someone is blaming the chips instead of themselves?

I love people when they’re sleeping – they have no reservations because they don’t even know what they’re doing. They’re sort of like giant toddlers. Actually that sounds terrifying.

The best thing to say when you’re sleeping is something my wife came up with one morning before work…

Me: Hey, it’s time for you to go in the shower.

Sleeping Wife: …I can’t.

Me: Why not?

Sleeping Wife: Because I’m washing my hair with cheese.

How can you argue with that? It certainly wasn’t the answer I was expecting…

Morning sleep talk is the best because you don’t feel bad for waking the person and confronting them.

Apparently washing your hair with cheese is a fantastic experience – probably best to leave it to your dreams though.

Every birthday or Christmas since, I’ve tried to get my wife some cheese shampoo. But I don’t think it exists. The closest I can get is this and I feel like that might be a typo… also it costs $150 which seems pretty steep.