The best rapper to have as your best man

My housemate is getting married in a couple of months and I’ve been asked to be an usher at his wedding.

I’m a big fan of weddings and being part of the wedding party is great! You start to feel very important and you often get to wear cool clothing. When I was a member of Jon’s wedding party we all got to wear kilts. It transformed my life.

Jon's Wedding photo

Probably the best kilt photo I’ve ever seen. Revel in all its glory.

Not only do you get to wear awesome clothes, but you also get the best seats in the house, right at the front. Gone are the days of awkward craning and shifting of weight to get a peek of the bride and groom, they’re right in front of you.

So when Joel asked me if I wanted to be an usher, I jumped at it whole-heartedly, hoping that I would finally get to wear a top hat. It is important to stress that I didn’t decide to be his usher because of my desire to wear a top hat, I just hoped it would be a by-product.

This got me thinking about a time another of my friends got married and he sent cards to his future ushers with a picture of R&B superstar Usher on it. It would have been a crime to turn that usher-ship down, unsurprisingly, no-one did.


Which led me to ask Joel the question: “How would you feel if I acted like Usher at your wedding?”

Shockingly, Joel declined my offer to act like Usher, even when I said I would occasionally shout “YEAH!” during parts of the ceremony to add dramatic tension. Particularly when the minister said: “does anyone know of any reason why these two cannot be lawfully married?” That would be a wedding to remember…

We then got talking about me acting like Usher and came to a question which would forever change my life:

If you had to, which rapper would you have as your best man?

This question isn’t as silly as it sounds. No…wait…it is.

Imagine if Snoop Dogg was your best man – he would bring a solid bit of unreliability and creepiness to your wedding.

Or what about Mr Worldwide himself, Pitbull?! Crank up a bit of Timber and the party is immediately in full swing. Although the speech might be a bit awkward when he starts singing “I know you want me..” and your wife joins in.


I wonder if Pitbull knows his goatee trail is slanted – he should get that looked at…

But probably not as terrible as a Kanye interruption “I’m really happy for you. Imma let you finish but Kevin had one of the best weddings of all time!” You would be annoyed that you didn’t get to toast the bridesmaids and suddenly jealous of Kevin, your bride’s 3rd cousin with a trick knee.

After much soul searching, we finally settled on Will Smith as the best rapper to have as a best man. He would be solid, organised, and bring a lot of fun to the proceedings.

Sure he’s not the most serious of rappers but he still counts. He did Miami for goodness sake!

We’re going to Miami, mah-ba-wee-oh-wah-ay-ya-mi

Will smith

It’s as if the 90’s just smacked you in the face…