The best cured partner… I mean the best qualities in a meat

***Warning – Guest blog approaching***

Our favourite guest blogger (we haven’t had many…) Hazel, explains why she’s on the hunt for a greasy, chubby Spanish man. 

Sometimes, if you have spent a lot of time with the same friends, you can grow tired of normal topics of conversation. This is probably what led me and a group of friends (our very own Steve being one) to discuss the question, “What is your favourite cured meat?”

There is a small chance that the couple of bottles of wine we had drunk at this point were a contributing factor to the raising of this topic, but Steve claims this is the sort of conversation he has all the time – so who can say for sure?

We then went on to use the qualities of the chosen cured meat to describe that person’s ideal partner. This part probably had something to do with the wine.

I do feel that the fact that no-one made jokes along the lines of “great sausage” does credit to this group’s respectability and sense of decorum. Tipsy we may have been, but vulgar we were not (for the most part).

So, by now you must be dying to know, what is my favourite cured meat? And the answer is… (dramatic pause) Chorizo!

We all gave our answers to the big question and it led to some interesting conclusions. But it also suggested that we were all drawn to many of the same desirable qualities:

  • foreign and exotic
  • strong
  • mature
  • round
  • fatty
  • greasy
  • makes a great sandwich

I really can’t tell you how much I love chorizo. I believe it may even rival the great and powerful Cheese in its ability to improve almost any savoury dish. The most flavourless pasta sauce is suddenly a delicious meal, by simply adding some chunks of chorizo. Making risotto? Throw in some chorizo! A simple toasty? Chorizo can only make it better! I often buy a stick of it – slices just don’t cut it (no pun intended) and have a week where I add it to everything.

It’s even amazing on its own. It’s a slightly guilty pleasure of mine, if I’m very hungry when I get back from work, to just go to the fridge and take a bite straight out of the chorizo sausage. Although it may also be because I get a kick out of doing those things that I would get told off for back in the days when the food I ate was communal.

So what does this say about my ideal partner?

All I can say is that if I found a man I loved as much as chorizo then I would be lucky indeed. So if you ever see a slightly podgy Spanish man who works in a sandwich shop and doesn’t wash his hair – please send him my way.


Is this my ideal man? … I guess it must be.