The best use of brute force

Brute force quadbike

This picture has literally nothing to do with this post apart from it’s called Brute Force – a gross oversimplification of the technical nature of quadbikes in my opinion, but whatever…

As a skinny man I like to use brute force whenever possible – it shows to others that I am not to be trifled with despite my smaller stature and it makes me feel good about myself.

There is something incredibly primal about tearing brutally into your package of chorizo, ripping apart the plastic packaging as if it were the skin of the chorizo animal. It brings a sense of pride.

It’s also very easy and requires little thought. Sure I could find the scissors and open the packaging in a dainty and controlled manner, but I would have to think “where did I leave the scissors?” “what is the optimum angle to cut this packaging?” and “what do I do if my house catches on fire and I need to run – I’ve been told not to run with scissors but now I may have no choice!”

Needless to say, scissors create a world of problems on their own.

In contrast, the rip and pull and tear and destroy approach of brute force is simple and often time effective. That is why I pull off labels from clothing with my bare hands rather than finding a knife to cut the garrote-like plastic connector – it’s much quicker.

However, using brute force isn’t always rosy. I recently had a tricky experience with it:

A few of my friends and I were throwing a Frisbee ring around in the garden when we thought it would be a fun game to try and ring the ring on a tree branch.

After a good period of time, we finally got the ring hooked and we all felt a modicum of delight. We quickly realised we would like the ring back to repeat the process so the inevitable challenge of retrieving the ring begun.

First we tried climbing the tree, but found it devoid of useful holds for the hand or foot. It was also incredibly scratchy which made the full body shimmy an unattractive prospect as one of my friends quickly found out.

Next we tried jumping and using some sticks until someone, out of the blue, threw a massive rock at the tree.

This confused me. I was all like “hey, whatchoo doin’ wid’ dat massive rock?! You crazy?”. Until I realised the fun potential of the massive rock approach.

Soon we were all chucking a rock bigger than my head to get this ring down, continually throwing it at the branch, weakening it with every blow.

Brute force rock

This is exactly what it was like. I genuinely don’t think I could have found a more appropriate picture. The internet is brilliant.

It was great. I sucked.

The rock was big, the tree was big, but for some reason, I never hit the tree.

Anyway, after 20 minutes of this, we eventually gave up and used bigger sticks than before to actually get the ring down.

In this situation, it appeared that brain triumphed brawn but I know the one I found more enjoyable – it was the one that thought: “destroy tree with massive rock…ROAR!”

You should try it next time you get something stuck in a tree, try and knock down the branch with rocks. One piece of advice though, don’t do this if it’s a cat that is stuck. The RSPCA will descend upon you like a rash and we will disown you.

Rocks at cats does not equal fun. Today’s life lesson.