The 3 best ways to decode Buzzfeed

bumfuzzle

Anyone remember bumfuzzle from that post way back?

In the long term war against boredom, Buzzfeed is a pretty good soldier. Maybe not the best ever – but pretty useful.

Maybe Buzzfeed is the guy that blows up a tank then gets shot in the leg so has to go home. Or maybe I took the metaphor too far – you decide.

It’s full of good content that has been found and packaged together well. And it speaks in a way that’s easy to understand. Photos and GIFs with explanatory subtitles – that’s a great way to gobble up information.

But what does shame me a little is how easy I fall for their attention grabbing headlines. They ask so little of my concentration that I don’t mind clicking on things I’m not that interested in.

Like this:

Image

You see I just wouldn’t click on that if it said: “Some nice places in Latin America” which is essentially all it is. I was lured in by a provocative headline and it didn’t really live up to its promise. I lost control for a second and suddenly I’m looking at a lake in Guatemala.

So as an antidote to all this, let me give you a few tricks to help you decode Buzzfeed and regain the freewill that they stole from you.

1. Take away all the distractions

Image

Did you click on that? Don’t be fooled…

Remove the initial adjectives and that little tag at the end and you’re left with the truth.

real life

Do you still want to click on that? Well you probably saw right through it in the first place. But now that no one is telling you it’s unforgettable and that it will brighten your day – well it comes across as a little creepy really.

2. Learn to speak Buzzfeed

I’ll give you a few translations. So when you hear…

signs

The writer is really saying…

australians

And if you come accross something like this…

14 salad

That actually translates a little differently…

That really means...

And finally…

3. Never sink this low

This is the most important piece of advice. Never click on something like this because it will only hurt you in the end…

I clicked on this once... it was bad

I clicked on this once… it was bad

Yes, I clicked and regretted. It was terrible.

Who is Tabatha Leggett that she can tell me what herb is the best. She’s not famous, she’s not a herb expert and she definitely underrated parsley.

Parsley is in my top five for sure.

Do you see what it does to you? It makes you think that herbs should be ranked in a chart with numbers and stuff. It makes you a bit crazy!

I read all 33 herbs and I didn’t want to… I just did it. Why? Because I didn’t speak Buzzfeed well enough back then.

When I saw “official ranking” I should have run away. But i didn’t run.

And now I’m posting here as if it’s my own personal rehab group.

My name is Jon and I read something dull on the internet but I just couldn’t stop reading it. I need help.

Buzzfeed is great for a lot of stuff – but don’t get sucked in. It will take you to weird places if you let it.

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