Jon’s best reason to never buy this game
After hours of fun, something awful has happened. It’s like your house is in an envelope and that envelope is made of terror. Your children are crying; your wife is just staring straight ahead. Everything that you thought was right with the world has flipped. She tries to talk, but her lips open and no sound comes out – it looked like a fish impression. Everyone sitting around the table is united by one single thought, but no one says it. You all know it to be true.
The dog, the beloved dog, is constipated… and Christmas is ruined.
The best reason to never buy this ‘Doggie Doo’ game is to avoid the situation above. More than 70 one-star reviews tell me that you should stay well away.
But before we get to those harrowing tales of canine crappery let me tell you the premise of the game. Because that alone might be enough to put you off…
Essentially you feed the dog ‘a treat’ which is actually the same substance as the dog’s poo. Then you take it in turns to squeeze the leash a certain number of times – depending on the dice roll. This pushes the poo out. If the poo lands after your squeeze then you are one third of the way to victory.
If I didn’t know about the constipation issues, this would be a best thing in its own right. It breaks boundaries and nears the strange greatness of pumpazing.
But then you read the reviews:
The poo got stuck after a few goes even though we followed instructions. Very frustrating.
…no matter what I tried I just couldn’t get it out. My son was in tears.
…too little poo and it doesnt come out, too much and it blocks up!!
And most gruesome of all:
We played doctors trying to remove the compacted, dried out poo by shoving things down his throat and up his bum, giving him an enema and eventually taking a screwdriver to it…
I’m really glad they’re not my doctor.
Doggie Doo FAQs don’t really deal with the issue directly but they do offer some advice. Apparently if the treat is still stuck you should try ‘blowing in the dogs mouth’.
I would suggest, for your own sanity, that you don’t do that.
So that’s my best thing for today and it almost certainly has changed your life.
There is just about time left to remind you that Steve will be doing his freecycle challenge this weekend – so look out on facebook for that.
And here’s two more Doggie Doo related bonus items:
Firstly, in Germany this game is not called Doggie Doo. It’s called:
Secondly, here’s is a visual warning for all those who still might want to buy this game:
And now that we’re all grossed out, let me wish you a happy Double Post Friday.
Whatever you do, do it double!
(Trust a subject like dogs doing poos to make me write a 500 word post. That almost never happens.)