The best person to share your coke with

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sharing

This elephant is not to be trusted

 

Sharing is a lovely thing to think about but in practice it often ends up awkward. For instance, should you share a non-segmented chocolate bar with your friend, if you feel like they are hungry?

And if so, how? Do you give them first bite and then eat the rest ignoring their saliva-remnants? Or do you break off a bit with your grubby hands and offer it to them like a homeless person would to his dog?

If you’re sensible, you probably bought two chocolate bars just to avoid the awkwardness of sharing.

That’s part of the reason why the ‘Share a coke…’ campaign isn’t my favourite thing in the world.

The other part of that reason is that I can never find an appropriate name. It’s always Anita and Shanice – it’s never anyone I am actually friends with. Sure I could share a coke with James but actually I haven’t seen the guy in forever. I think both he and I would find that weird.

But with Christmas coming up, Coca Cola have come up with something quite good -something that makes me want to get behind the sharing campaign.

They’ve done this…

 

diet coke prancer

 

I genuinely like this idea. Firstly because Prancer is a funny name, secondly because I didn’t expect it, thirdly because it makes me feel festive and finally…

The most important reason…

I love sharing things with fictional characters. It’s the best type of sharing. It makes you seem quirky and generous but actually you don’t have to do anything. I’m pretty sure reindeer don’t even drink coke.

So the best person to share a coke with isn’t actually a person – it’s a reindeer – a fictional reindeer. You can pick any of them and it has the same effect.

Don’t share a coke with Santa this Christmas though – your parents will steal it. They have a sense of entitlement from years of delivering presents.

 

The best minor typo

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I was browsing the BBC news app recently and I came across this headline:

photo

“Murray on bronk of world tour finals”

I wasn’t really sure what to make of it. What does ‘on bronk’ mean? Was it a simple misspelling or some pun that I wasn’t getting?

Regardless, I realised I very much like the word ‘bronk’ and I believe it should be included in the dictionary. As a result, I’ve come up with some helpful definitions to get the ball rolling:

1) bronk – the noise made when striking a metal bin with a metal pole. e.g. Joe went over to the metal bin and hit it with a metal pole *BRONK*

2) bronk - a dimwitted and unfriendly person. e.g. Joe is such a bronk for hitting that bin

3) the bronk - a dance commonly involving flailing the arms like jelly and kicking wildly. e.g. “Ow! Joe you just hit me with your vigorous version of the bronk”

4) to bronk - snorting while laughing. You know who you are. e.g. Whilst I was watching Joe doing the bronk I started to bronk in laughter

5) Bronk - neighbour to the more popular and widely known “Bronx”, however the residents lead a very different lifestyle, hitting bins, dancing menacingly and snorting, all while acting like complete bronks. e.g. Woah! Stay away from the Bronk, they’re got nasty characters there (e.g. Joe)

6) on bronk (slang) – to compulsively eat celery whenever possible. e.g. Look at Joe eat that celery, he is totally on bronk right now.

If there are any definitions of bronk you think I may have missed then please don’t hesitate to mention them in the comments, I’m not a dictionary after all…

And, if you were wondering, it was a typo and the article was duly corrected:

photo (1)

WHAT. A. BRONK.

Steve’s best girlfriend

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Who is this mystery gal?

Who’s this mystery gal?

In the early days of this blog, we used to include our names in the titles. So if I liked a certain artichoke and wanted to blog about it, I would title the post ‘Jon’s best artichoke’.

But time passed, things changed and to be honest I don’t really know enough about artichokes to pick a favourite. Now our post titles are more anonymous, so that the focus is on the best thing, not the author.

But today the author is important because I want to talk about Steve’s best ever girlfriend, but I also want to make it clear that this is in my (Jon’s) opinion. Though I’m pretty sure Steve would also agree.

You see Steve’s best girlfriend is a truly incredible woman – a fine specimen. She’s the wind to Steve’s wind-surf, she’s the sheep-skin rug to his cold slate floor, she’s the protective casing to all of Steve’s pokemon cards.

Her name?

Big Fat Sue.

Unfortunately, she is entirely fictional. But that doesn’t mean she is unimportant.

Because back in the days when me and Steve were leaders on a kids summer camp, Big Fat Sue was Steve’s significant other. She was created for one simple reason – because we thought it was funny.

One long coach trip, we convinced several of the campers that Big Fat Sue was legit. I can’t remember much of her back story but it was quite elaborate. I feel like she might have been a lifeguard but my memory fades.

What is for sure is that things were serious – Steve was thinking of proposing.

And from that trip on, Big Fat Sue became more than just a fake girlfriend. She was a symbol – just like batman.

I genuinely think that Steve’s future wife will one day struggle with the Big Fat shadow of Sue, looming over their relationship. She can be very possessive, that Sue.

And that’s really the story of Big Fat Sue, Steve’s best ever girlfriend.

Sorry to all of Steve’s other exes… you just didn’t make the cut.

 

Before I go though, I guess it’s probably worth pointing out that Big Fat Sue even made it into a card game that me and Steve made (shoutout to LJ who also helped)

Here she is…

 

Such beauty

Such beauty

 

The best ‘little thing’ for today

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Little Red Hat

I appreciate this little hat.

One thing I like about this blog is its ability to celebrate the little things in life, the things which make your day that bit better. We can’t always discover the coolest skyline or the best ways to compliment your wife, but we can bring you the everyday joys, which is exactly what this post is about.

Earlier today I was thinking about how great resealable things are: you open, you close and you keep your food fresh. They are a great way of doing things.

PeelReseal

They prevent flies, air bacteria and birds getting at your rice and pasta. Gone are the times of a raven chowing down on your bag of Fusilli, just seal it back up with your resealable tab.

I think my favourite way of resealing is the zip-lock bag method. You know where you stand with the push together seal. There’s absolutely no doubt about the air tightness of your bag. It is zip-locked!

Zip lock

ZIP! LOCKED! AAAAAAHHHH YEEEEEAAAAAAAH!

However, one of the saddest types of resealable bags is the non-sticky sticky label. which lies about how it can be used to reseal. They frustrate me. Don’t promise something you can’t deliver!

I’m not particularly particular about my choice of supermarkets, I’m largely of the opinion that quality is fairly similar across the board, but one thing Sainsbury’s does better: their resealable labels. They actually work.

If I open some Conchiglie from Sainsbury’s I can guarantee that resealing it will be a cinch, a bit of Basmati from ASDA however is an entirely different matter. Suddenly the floor becomes coated in a thin layer of spilled grains. All because of a lying label.

I propounded my appreciation of resealable goods to a friend recently and they asked how it compared to upside down ketchup bottles. I thought it was a good question but tricky to answer.

Ketchup-Bottle

I would like to meet the genius who came up with this and shake their hand. The contribution they have made to society is greater than many of us shall ever achieve…

Both are good. Both are important in today’s world. Both make Steve a happier person.

 

The best movie question to ask yourself today

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pizza pieces margerita

This is what you should eat on fridays

 

It’s Friday which on this blog means a double helping of best things, but for some people, on some weekends, Friday is also movie day.

That might be going to a new release at the cinema, but it equally might just mean pizza, lounge wear and a movie that is probably terrible but actually you’ve watched all the ones you want and now you’re desperate.

I could hit you with recommendations today and tell you exactly what you should see, but I ‘m not going to do that. Part of the fun is the element of risk  – and I’m definitely not here to steal your fun.

But what I am here to do is ask you a question – the best question actually (about movies, today).

Here it is:

What is the best movie that you’ve never seen a second time?

I’ve seen loads of films multiple times – Good Will Hunting, Shawshank Redemption, Forrest Gump, and Inception are some of the good ones.

But I’ve also had repeat viewings of things I didn’t even like that much.

I’ve seen The Proposal 4 times (Oh great, a romantic comedy that’s not terrible – let’s watch it at every social occasion until everybody in the world has seen it).

I’ve seen Hot Fuzz at least three times – it’s funny the first time but not nearly one of my favourites.

And for a time in my life, people could not stop watching No Country for Old Men. It’s pretty good but by the second viewing the complete lack of a soundtrack started to get real boring.

But there are some movies that I really did enjoy, but never quite got round to watching again. And these are really interesting to me.

Especially when you think about what got in your way.

Maybe none of your friends want to see it anymore, maybe you’re waiting to borrow it, maybe you’re embarrassed to watch it again – hey, maybe you just can’t remember the title and you live in the 90s without internet.

The answer to today’s best question reveals a lot about your life, as well as your movie choices. It’s asking what do you regret? What stops you from doing the things you like?

My answer, I think, is Skyfall.

I saw that movie close to opening night and I really enjoyed it. It was exciting, it was funny, it had Scotland in it… why haven’t I seen it again?

Well, I think I’m waiting for the perfect occasion – holding it in my armoury ready to slay the boredom of a night in. I know that sometimes I do have a run of nights in and I eventually run out of recorded TV. It’s comforting to know that Skyfall is there in the background, waiting for the right moment.

I just hope that run of nights in will happen sooner rather than later… it seems like a distant dream at the minute.

 

bond and q

I miss you guys

 

So what’s your answer to the best movie question today?

 

And Happy double post Friday by the way. I leave you with news that Steve just cancelled playing squash again – he’s scared I think. He knows how powerful I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best way to get your friends to take you bowling

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bowling

I have a confession to make: I enjoy bowling.

I’ve been holding it in for long enough and I feel this is the appropriate forum to express my true feelings towards bowling. It’s been a tough road, full of obstacles but I realise now I just had to get it out.

When you’re 10 your friends have bowling parties often followed by pizza, when you’re 14 your friends have bowling parties often followed by pool and video games, when you’re 18 your friends have drinking parties followed by sleeping. There comes a point when you’re just too old for bowling. It dies along with your youth.

So being a 24 year old who still likes to hit the lanes and throw a massive ball at some wood can be tricky, largely because no-one else ever wants to go, they’re off busy doing other things. I’m stuck in the 10 year old phase. I like bowling and I like pizza.

09-glow-bowlling-ftsofan-fl

I am 100% not into this. Clearly trying to inject fun into a serious game. What?!

I think I can understand why people don’t enjoy bowling: it can be utterly demoralising, there’s nothing sadder than getting a gutter ball, and it is often filled with 14 year olds glow-bowling with pumping tunes. Bowling alleys also always have this sickly sweet smell and sticky floors.

It’s not a great environment, I get it.

So when I can get my long suffering friends to finally take me to a bowling alley I get mega excited. They’ve filled their quota for a while and they don’t need to feel bad rejecting my bowling ideas for a good long stretch.

But the key question is: how did I do it? Are you like me, always searching for your next bowling fix?

Well, unfortunately, there’s no sure fire way of getting your friends bowling (unless you trick them every time and pay for them) but one way which works mighty well is to use an occasion which comes but once a year: your birthday.

BIRTHDAYBOYCAKE

“I wish my friends understood…I wish they would take me bowling…I wish, I wish, I wish”

Throw down the emotional gauntlet and they’ll have to say yes. If you can’t get them bowling for your birthday then are they really friends?!

If once a year isn’t quite enough then pull it out for any occasion; passing your driving test, success in exams or finally removing that splinter which has been troubling you (I once had a splinter for about a week and you cannot imagine the joy I got when it came out – I told everyone who didn’t care in my vicinity).

Basically, you need it to be an event.

I’ve been blessed with friends who know that I need to feed the addiction and they help me with it. For that, all I can say is thank you…

The best ice cream moment

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There is no picture on the internet which shows what I'm about to describe

There is no picture on the internet which shows what I’m about to describe

 

A best thing happened to me on Tuesday night. It wasn’t on purpose, but it was incredible. It was an ice cream moment of the best kind.

Much better than that time my Granddad sneezed in the ice cream tub. That was not a best thing at all.

But on Tuesday, when we had a bunch of people round for dinner, I made the foolish decision of trying to scoop ice cream with quite a small spoon.

Our proper scoop broke a while ago and a new one seems like a boring thing to spend money on.

As many of you know, small spoon scooping (SSS) can go very wrong because you are going against the natural function of the utensil. You shouldn’t scoop with a small spoon in the same way that you shouldn’t peel carrots with a potato masher.

But on this occasion, everything went very right for me.

I went for the scoop but was met with some quite ferocious resistance from the ice cream. It had only just come out of the freezer but I dug my spoon in anyway and pulled with all my might.

Then it happened.

The pressure I’d built up suddenly dropped as my spoon catapulted the ice cream into the air. We looked around for the inevitable mess and realised that something beautiful had happened. The sizable ice cream fragment had landed in my friends bowl – the one he was holding in his hand.

It had travelled a good three feet at considerable velocity, but everything was fine. I’d served my friend some ice cream… like a pro.

 

Sometimes the best things just find you, and when they do you better hope you have a blog to write about them in.

Or you could always borrow ours… 

 

 

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