I recently saw an interview where Taylor Swift was debating whether or not to get another cat. She already owned one cat and was worried that acquiring a second cat would start to look like “cats” – a symptom of early on-set singleness. Eventually she decided that she wanted a second cat so she got one.
She does ask a very important question though: how many cats can I have before I start to look crazy?
For me, I think two per person is OK, going beyond that gets a bit ropey. If you can’t high-five all your cats at once then you definitely have too many cats. Three is a crowd after all.
Too many cats. Too many cats.
But this question got me thinking about a whole load of other questions which are important for examining our lives. I’ve put a few of these questions below followed by the textbook answer.
I’m speaking to a friend, how loud is too loud?
Are people behind you grimacing? Are they covering their ears? Does your friend have earplugs in? If the answer to any of these is yes then you’re probably not loud enough, you need a high volume to get through those earplugs.
How many times can I watch The Notebook before it gets ridiculous?
Once. And only out of morbid curiosity. Anything more and you’re just willing to be bored.
Is it OK to sing badly to Let It Go?
She looks so smug. Just because she can make ice doesn’t mean you have to be arrogant about it.
Yes. Let It Go was actually written to be sung badly, Idina Menzel ruined it.
I just ate another meal of pasta and tomato sauce, how much more can I eat before I am malnourished?
Luckily for you pasta is full of all five of the main food groups! However, if you are still worried then let me tell you a tale. I once heard of someone who only ever ate Monster Munch. Nothing else. Just Monster Munch.
As cells in our bodies are constantly reproducing, largely using the nutrients from our food and drink, then this means our Monster Munch Maestro was significantly made up of Monster Munch! Whaaat?!
I have 28 guinea pigs, is that too many?
A guinea pig city for all those rogue guinea pigs
Nope. Amelia Lily once did and now she’s got a number 2 single in the UK. It can work out even for the weirdest.
I’m sick and tired of my job, should I quit?
Maybe. This is a tough one. Does your job provide you with some satisfaction, pay well, is the best job you would be able to get, and you get a corporate discount at a gym? You probably shouldn’t quit.
If, however, your boss calls you “iguana chops” and you’re paid in sweetcorn then you probably should quit.
I’m not licensed to deal with any other situation.
Am I too short?
I wonder how often this question comes up in interviews with Shaq…
No. There’s no such thing as too short, just a world which is too tall.
Am I too tall?
Yes! You’re giving all the short people a complex! You terrible person!
Is there anything cooler than a mug which changes colour when you put hot water in it?
I’ll leave you to decide this one for yourself although a hint would be that the correct answer has 3 letters, rhymes with Jess and is often accompanied by a nod.
Happy life examining!